Arousal and Pain: What is erotic pain?

It's common for people to wonder why pain can be erotic. When someone is aroused, the tolerance for pain may increase within the confines of the sexual encounter. For someone who is responsive to pain, each individual will have their own likes and dislikes. These preferences are to be respected and explored, but NEVER ignored. Listen carefully to the thoughts and feelings of your play partner, and follow the rule of beginning lightly and slowly, and building intensity. It is also wise to have discussed a 'safe word' - meaning a word that when said aloud by the submissive partner, the scene and its activity are immediately ceased. A safe word should be something easy to remember - such as 'red' - that will be immediately honored by the Dominant partner.

When beginning to explore pain play, many people begin with using pain within a sexual encounter. Lightly biting your lover's neck, scratching his back with your fingernails, pinching her nipples softly and caressing them - these are all forms of erotic pain play, and represent a softer, safer, and mutually enjoyable point to begin. You may continue to explore this with gestures that carry more meaning, such as holding onto or lightly pulling hair, lightly slapping, spanking, cupping and gently squeezing the testicles. Note what your partner is enjoying and if you should find that they aren't enjoying something, move along to something else, decreasing the intensity. Many people require full arousal to like experiencing erotic pain, and if the pain is too sudden or too intense, loss or arousal or a negative reaction may result.

Common Pain Implements and B&D/S&M Toys

· Hands-On: Spanking.

Spanking can begin as caresses, lying your partner over your lap with your hand on their buttocks. Use your other hand to stroke them intimately, teasing them as you move to light, playful spanks. Focus on the fleshy, lower section of the buttocks; do not hit below (thighs), or above, (tailbone), as this may cause injury or discomfort. Slightly cup your hand, keeping your fingers together, to spank, and caress the spot briefly after each spank. Give a short set of spanks, building slowly in intensity.

· Slapping.

As slapping tends to be a meaningful gesture - one showing great Dominance and eliciting a variety of feelings from the recipient - this needs to be a mutually discussed activity before playing. Note that those wearing glasses or contact lenses should NOT be slapped in the face. When slapping, place your other hand on the other side of your partner's face as a precaution; injuries have resulted when someone reacted naturally by turning their head with the slap. Though other parts of the body can be slapped or smacked, such as the shaft of the penis or a woman's vulva, you must keep these blows light in accordance with what your partner can reasonably handle and enjoy.

· Paddles.

Paddles vary in type and construction - from smooth wood to thick leather. Use a broad bdsm paddle that bears no cutout holes, sharp edges, rivets or studs - these will likely leave marks as well as increasing the likelihood of abrading skin. Be aware that bdsm paddling your partner is more severe than spanking, so begin lightly and limit the number of strokes. It is a good idea to give the stroke, and then wait for your partner to nod to accept the next stroke. As with hand spanking, restrict your paddling to the fleshy area of the buttocks. Paddling that strikes bony or sensitive areas can bruise and cause injury.

· Slappers.

A Slapper is usually made of two pieces of rigid leather, sewn together at the handle end and left open at the other. When you strike with a slapper, the two open end pieces slap together, making an audible smacking sound. Note that the narrowness of many slappers increases the chance of leaving welts, so limit your initial sets and use light to moderate force only on the fleshy part of the buttocks.

· Riding crops.

Though they seem benign, riding crops can be used to tickle your partner's body as well as whip sensitive areas. Practice your accuracy by hitting a pillow or stuffed animal - you will want to be able to hit specific spots without missing. You can caress your partner's body with the crop - particularly nipples, tracing along their thighs to their genitals, and gently stroking their body as they contemplate what you're up to. Strike softly, alternating between using the crop as a whip and an extension of your hand, stroking and caressing. You can flick your partner's nipples, tap him lightly on his penis, and whip her behind. Do not use a crop above the shoulder blades, on the neck, hands, or feet. Women's genitals can only lightly be tapped, and most men can only take light tapping on their penis and extremely light (or none) tapping on their testicles. Restrict blows to fleshy areas.